Slaves to moisture,
bartered to the bone,
soft-shelled and viscous,
like winter crustaceans in heat,
wading to tricky tops of
saturated springs to steam-iron
each other’s creases, they moan.
Beauty can be a mess. A parliament of fear, anger and disgust. A moment that passed too soon. A story that went on for too long. A slow-motion replay of heartbreak. A reinforcement of dissent.
Beauty isn’t always linear. It can be chaotic. Full of mistakes. Noise. Absolute shit.
I find anything that moves me to be immersed in beauty. It doesn’t even have to be poignant. As insensitive as it may sound, some roadside accidents move me more than they depress me. Despite the obvious tragedy, I breathe in, selfishly, the serenity of experiencing something powerful. Even when someone has a great idea, it strikes me as a beautiful moment more than a productive one.
Finding beauty in the physical form of creatures, birds or human beings, is often an experiment in self-catharsis. Most of the time I end up realizing how superficial I can be.
I have written before about my hypocrisy as a bird lover. I have lately realized that I delete many of the photographs. Either the image is blurry or it just isn’t as good as the rest.
You must know that I am not a photographer. I am a bird lover with a camera, not a photographer with a love for birds. There is a big difference. I don’t aspire to buy a better camera. I will only if it takes me closer to them. I don’t want to be able to take better photographs. I am not a kind enough person to constantly help conserve their habitats.
At times I fear that it isn’t even about my feathered friends. I just want to experience the love I feel around them. It is selfish, vain and a tad pretentious. However, I find myself drowning, like a drunk crustacean, in beauty’s still waters.
I am posting a few photographs I hadn’t before. Most were taken in a more primal camera than the one I have now. But they represent moments that I shared with those we seem to love so much.
I hope you feel something too.
(Photographs: Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradhesh)